Saturday, October 14, 2006

Try to take over the world...

Finally got to see some Animaniacs now that it is out on DVD. Loved that show.
Anyway, I was going through some of my files and found this.

If I ever become an Evil Overlord:

1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors,
not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept
anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the
Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of
Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

7. When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks, "Or
are you afraid without your armies to back you up?" My reply will be,
"No, just sensible."

8. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me,
will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and
shoot him.

9. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately
in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time
during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

10. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary.
If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push".

11. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is
destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself.

12. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel
well outside my borders will work just as well.

13. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to
prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker
enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

14. I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident:
I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it.

15. I will make it clear that I _do_ know the meaning of the word "mercy";
I simply choose not show them any.

16. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws
in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before

17. All slain enemies will be cremated, not left for dead at the bottom of
the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying
celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

18. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members
of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots
or adhere to any other dress codes.

19. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any
other form of last request.

20. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find
that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to
activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his
plan into operation.

21. I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad
scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently
twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage
he's caused.

22. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just
one thing I want to know."

23. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to
their advice.


Pablo said...

You will make one FINE evil overlord!!

MikeT said...

But it's really a quality of life issue. If you do all of these things, will you really enjoy life as an evil overlord? You might want to think of that first.

Arielle said...

I've loved the evil overlord list from the time I first saw it several years ago. It's just as funny every time I read it!

Roland said...

Thank you, thank you.
And Mike, I would try to make life better for everyone if I were evil overlord. Then again, maybe that isn't really being an evil overlord.
I guess I'll have to start with teaching everyone how to say, "I love pretty flowers." or "Pink is a lovely color." or "Chipmunks are cute."

Then again, maybe that isn't really being an evil overlord.
Oh well, I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow night.
Pinky, "What are we gonna do tomorrow night, Brain?"

CrazyJo said...

My little brother (well, at 13 not so little anymore) used to watch Pinky and the Brain when he was around 3, and he'd make all these crazy contraptions, and say he was going to use them to take over the world. It was so cute! Of course, now I believe he's perfectly capable of doing so if he can keep his mouth shut. He simply MUST inform everyone what he is doing. So maybe he's not evil overlord material after all, just another wannabe.

Difster said...

Yep, that list has always made me laugh.